6.8.14

As more and more of my friends get engaged, have children, buy houses, travel around the world, go to great concerts, create amazing things, I find my smile growing wider and wider. Somehow, the jealousy and frustration and half-hearted congratulations (if I expressed any at all) of my past years that so often accompianied such events have morphed into this inexplicable happiness at the sight of someone elses happiness.

How'd that happen, right?

And then, whether they want to share it or not, I grab some of that happiness for myself.

Now, don't get me wrong, I still find myself, at times, muttering, "What the --? Her?! SHE got engaged? What the crap am I doing wrong?!" and "Seriously? Another picture of your kid and your dog? Enough already."

Hey, nobody's perfect.

Well, except that one family. They are. Damn them.

It's really quite nice, to be more filled with joy at the news of other's successes rather than that twang of bitterness or regret. It's somehow relieving, and freeing. It's not just an emotional response, but something that physically swells inside me, bursting sparkles and sunshine out of my ears and mouth.

Wait. No. That's not physically what happens. Creepy.

But it is freeing, just the same.

You know how, when you're at a festival and the old-man band starts playing some country music and a few people start clapping along with the rhythm, and you want to, too, but feel kinda foolish, so you don't, and instead sit there tapping your foot like all the other cool kids? And then there are the 80-year-old couples who are grinning from ear to ear, clapping like there's no tomorrow (and for them, well, there might not be. HA! I kid, I kid.) And you see people smiling at them, the cool kids are even smiling at them. Then the little kids start dancing and you say to yourself, "Man, that looks like fun." And really you're wishing YOU could be one of those little kids or that 80-year-old, because they're just having fun. They are enjoying life. They're soaking it in.

With all the big news I hear from friends and family, somehow I've started to become the clapping 80-year-old, just happy. And not ashamed to be happy.

Maybe it has something to do with the satisfaction I have in my own life, as "uneventful" as it is. Maybe it's part of getting older. I don't know, but it's fan-freaking-tastic.

"Joys divided are increased" --Josiah Gilbert Holland




These are totally random, but fun. This was the day before I entered the MTC (Feb. 2013). Hayden has a Sonic Screwdriver. Love this kid. 

4 comments:

  1. Dr. Who in the making! Glad you are so happy!

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  2. That we were all one of those children or the 80 year old. Kudos to you for recognizing this so early in your life.

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  3. And I love the picture of you and Hayden.

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  4. I wish I were a little more like you. Even though I am married and have the kids and travel, I often find myself wishing I had something else. It's called being human, glad you are figuring it out, you old soul.

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