7.28.12

Pinterest is an interesting thing. At least 254 times a week I either hear, or say, the words, "I saw this thing on Pinterest," and cringe a little bit. Not sure why. Maybe it's the hipster in me that's screaming, "Noooo! Don't admit you use Pinterest! It's not obscure and cool enough! Start talking about bands no one has heard of, or at least tell everyone you used Pinterest in 2007*."
Pinterest is interesting because of how much you can tell about a person from a collection of seemingly unrelated images. You come to know people's humor, their hobbies, their style, and more, by what they pin. And most interesting, you can tell what big events are happening in their lives: Breakups (angry memes about boys), engagement/marriage (excessive pins about specific wedding things, like dresses, rings, photographer tips, bouquets), new motherhood ("How to breastfeed in public." I think that says it all). Except I think the people who follow me are quite baffled when I pin stuff, especially wedding-related. "Ha! Right," they say. "Elizabeth must be pinning that wedding dress for a friend. She's never getting married. ... I think she might be gay." ** 

*Pinterest was launched, in beta form, in 2010. Source.
**For the record, I'm straight. 

***

In the past I've pondered on the term "struggling with my weight." It implies effort and a strong desire to change, but just not being able to conquer as you hope. Yeah, it doesn't apply to me. I don't try. And heaven knows I probably should. I still eat like I'm a 14-year-old with a hollow leg. Except, even at 14 I had the metabolism of a menopausal woman with diabetes and a desk job.

***

Most mornings I wake up and think, "I feel like I got punched in the face." And then I look in the mirror and think, "Wow, I look like I got punched in the face." And then sometimes I go back to bed. But most days I just thank my lucky stars this is a common enough occurrence that people expect me to look like I got in a biker fight involving a crowbar and a gorilla.  

***

I had a dream the other night that was borderline nightmare (and I haven't had a nightmare in a long time!). I was in my apartment and opened the front door to find a notice taped to it: I was late on paying my already over-priced rent and now owed a $20 late fee. So I went to my room to get my check book, successfully tearing off the top of the last of my checks. Taping it back together, I then proceeded to put the wrong amount. In my mounting fury, I broke the pen in half, shoved my desk chair and sprayed ink across my room and my pants. Rubbing it made it worse, causing me to again shove my desk chair and physically shake in rage. In walked my roommate Jessica, who tells me my laundry is done washing, but I took too long, so they (I don't know who "they" are) not only removed it, but put it sopping wet into the Lost & Found. One more chair shove and a growl later and I was about to collapse onto the floor, screaming at the universe,"WHHYYYY?! Why do you hate me!" (I'm more dramatic while asleep. Obviously.) Then in true Disney-drama-like-fashion, I slowly looked up and saw my reflection in the mirror. I forced a smile and said to myself, "Ah, but life is OK. I still have 4-square."

***

My friend Nathan is a photographer and I got to sit for him the other day so he could use his large-format, accordion-lens, made-from-scratch kind of camera (I'm super knowledgable when it comes to photography. Obviously) to take a few portraits. It was rad. Dark garage, one big spotlight, a Home Depot bucket for a seat, IKEA blanket for a backdrop, cardboard boxes for a mirror to lay on underneath my face, four photographs, and two hours with one talented guy. And the next day, I felt like I had lifted weights incorrectly for 10 hours. Apparently holding still in slightly tweaked positions for that long works my muscles in such a way as to, well, make them sore. Who knew, "Sit up really straight," and "Put your right shoulder back," could be such a work out? Well, ha, maybe you did, my Pinterest-following, health-conscious friends. You probably know more about me than I care to know about myself.

Oh, in conclusion, Nathan is awesome, and I'm hoping he may have made this...


...look more like this...


Hey, miracles happen.

(Hey, Mom, I hope I haven't shamed the family too much with that picture of me. But, seriously, I think you'll have to admit it's pretty stinkin' hilarious. So, worth it.)

4 comments:

  1. That picture almost made me throw up in my moth a little bit. How did you achieve such...form grim such a pretty? Also I read thinking today how I wish I could hide some of my Pinterst boards. I don't want people knowing what I'm getting them for Christmas.

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  2. "They" would never do that to your laundry.

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  3. It would take more than that to shame "the family". I've never seen an undershot that was anything but hideous.

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  4. I "lol"ed at this. (That means "laugh out loud".) That was freaking hilarious.

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