A couple weeks ago I had a dream that is worth telling you about. Here it goes.
I was on a double date. I can't remember who the other couple was — all I can recall is that they were a bit obscure and it made no real sense why I would be hanging out with them — but I will never forget who my date was:
Beaker. That's right. Beaker. Be jealous.
It was our first date, Beaker and I, but it seemed to be going well. I was more interested in him, than him in me, but I was pretty confident I could win him over. So as all four of us were walking (Beaker did so unaided by any puppeteer, mind you) down a stairwell, I let the other couple go ahead. Beaker was behind me, so as I watched the other two walk away, I whipped around, pinned Beaker to the wall with my forearm (he is heavier than he seems on television) and said, "LISTEN! I have a question for you, kid." His eyes got big — er, bigger than usual — and his pupils dilated to an unnatural size as I stared into his fuzzy, mumble-filled soul. "When we get married and I get pregnant and gain fifty pounds with our first child, will you still love me?!" After hearing the question, he calmed down a bit, got a big smirk on his face (yah, who knew? That frown-pout isn't permanent) and said to me, "Well, yes, but that'll happen with the second kid." What the crap? But this answer was strangely satisfying to me, don't ask me or my sub-conscience why, so I let him down. "Oh, good," I said to him. "Well, let's go then."
That was it. I don't know why I was dating Beaker, why I felt so confident that he'd like me back enough not to be freaked out by me bringing up kids on the first date, or why he was so heavy! He's a puppet, for goodness sake. Felt and googly eyes.
One more inconsistency: I'm pretty sure Muppets cannot reproduce.
But me and Beaker's love would overcome all such mysteries.