Last night I told my roommate I was going to curl up on my bed and cry myself to sleep. (Mom, this is satirical, I'm fine.) Instead, I sat awkwardly on my bed with a heating pad on my shoulders for two hours watching "Hunger Games" videos on YouTube. By the time I actually decided to go to bed, I was still determined to cry myself to sleep. I turned out my light and prepared for the onslaught of tears. Then I woke up to my alarm this morning. So much for dramatics. Poor narcoleptics. They can never picture themselves in a movie, lying in bed as sentimental music plays and the camera gets closer and closer to their face as they sniffle over their recently deceased cat and weep uncontrollably at the realization that Peeta Mellark is a fictional character.

Speaking of sleep and Peeta (for those of you unfamiliar with this strange name — pronounced like "Peter" with a British accent. ... Or, you know, the bread — he's from "The Hunger Games") I had some wicked awesome dreams last night.

First off, I was in a large stone courtyard, like something you'd see in Romeo & Juliet. The north and east sides were framed in with huge stone walls. The west was lined with several stories of balconies where on-lookers sat. To the south was a low stone fence that dropped off into a pool/garden/ping-pong area. Here's a visual (bird's eye, no less):

So now that you have the setup, let's continue.

I'm standing on the southeast side of the courtyard, near the unknown. I'm talking with Gale (Liam Hemsworth) and I'm Katniss (I know cuz I have a braid. Duh.) It looks something like this:

He's talking strategy with me, because we're about to play soccer against Peeta (Josh Hutcherson) and Jessica (my roommate. No one in the books has a normal name like that) and he's seen me play soccer. It's pretty horrible. We walk towards the center of the courtyard to greet our opponents. When Peeta (Josh) gets closer, he reaches up to give me a hug, having suddenly transformed into Gary Coleman, tiny sweatshirt and all. Oh the injustice!

The game commences. I'm doing alright. I mean, I haven't tripped yet. Then Peeta (no longer Gary Coleman) kicks the ball over the low stone fence and into the pond. The crowd starts to panic and the lights go out (apparently this is an indoor courtyard.) The four soccer players huddle up and try to figure out how to get the ball back when it dawns on us: Peeta can FLY! But it's a secret, so we decide to keep the lights out and let him fly down to get it. But, to throw off the onlookers so his secret isn't revealed, Jessica, Liam and I start tweeting and whistling like birds, you know, because if it SOUNDS like a bird, than that object that looks like a flying man must actually be a bird.

So Peeta (Josh -- whatever) is circling around and around, you know, to evade the sight of the onlookers, and is now wearing a nightgown (Michael and John Darling style. I hope you're starting to see the heavy Peter Pan similarities here). At one point Woody Harrelson comes out with a huge MagLight and tries to illuminate Peeta, so I scream, "NO FLASHLIGHTS!" and smack it out of his hands. Drunken idiot.

The whistling and circling continues to a few more seconds and finally, oh sweet justice, Peeta grabs the ball out of the pond and lightly touches down next to us. The lights come back on almost instantaneously and we try our best to be all like, "Oh, hey Josh, you've been here the whole time and you don't fly or wear nightgowns or look anything like that little black kid from 'Diff'rent Strokes' .... hey let's play soccer."

Dream number two. It has nothing to do with "The Hunger Games," but it did involve indoor surfing, me meeting a middle-aged woman named Mackenzie and her daughter, who asked me if I graduated from Purdue, a tiny newspaper that only had stories on how A-Rod and the Yankees won the NCAA men's basketball tournament ("Huh," I thought, "I didn't even know they were in it. Damn Yankees."), and the piece de resistance: Phineas (yes, from "Phineas and Ferb") was competing in the indoor surfing competition and I was so close to being able to see him when Kelsey, Catherine and the twins came out of the surfing area and informed me they were done so we were going home. Do you know how rare it is to see a cartoon character in real life, AND surfing, no less? Obviously Kelsey and Catherine did NOT.

Man, I love sleeping.


  1. You are so funny. Maybe this is most funny to me because It is 5am, however I have a feeling I'm going to have a good day now!

  2. It's a good thing you reassured your mom that this post is like a small mythical goat-man creature.

    (I think you meant "satirical.")

  3. Maybe I DID mean that, Layton. Or maybe I can't spell. Thanks for opening wounds from my childhood, buddy.

  4. Ba ha ha! That was even better than my dreams. I loved it.

  5. Dreams, shmeams. I'm still stuck on why you wanted to cry yourself to sleep. Even satirically.

  6. I don't know know if it was meant to be crying funny. But it was. I was laughing so hard Ben kept asking me "what? What?" But I have a feeling he wouldn't understand. :)