Dreams — 4.10 - 4.13

#1 -  We were shopping for easter candy and clothes — me, Mom, Dad, Thomas and Catherine. The stores reminded me of the NBC store in New York City. I don't remember actually seeing any clothes or candy, but a boy from my past appeared. He grabbed me around the waist and began waltzing around the store. It felt so effortless and fun. I then stopped and said, "You're 6'1" aren't you?" He was so shocked that I could guess his height that we had to discuss it more. So naturally we were transported to a picturesque meadow/woods/stream scene with a wooden bridge. As we walked toward the bridge I told him it wasn't hard to guess his height because my head came above his shoulder — duh, everyone knows that trick, right? As we crossed the bridge, he started talking about a girl we both knew, how much he liked her, and I listened without even the slightest jealousy. In fact, I was happy for him. For them.

#2 - Racing day. I was a top competitor in this cross-country drag car race. I drove for what I assumed were hours, and then hit some ice. More like the Bonneville Salt Flats, but in ice form. I wasn't nervous as much as I was mad that the ice was delaying me. Luckily it all melted away into a Southern swamp scene where I pulled up to a riverboat house (apparently my car was also a boat) belonging to a prominent fisherman. I assumed he was prominent because he wore a very stylish ear-flap hat that was a puke green color. Plus, he ran the ferry. Which, unfortunately, wasn't running that day until the waters calmed. "The waters ARE calm," I told him, pointing out the window toward 10-foot waves and torrential rain. He just looked at me with pitying eyebrows. "Poor city girl."

Mom, Thomas, Catherine and Jessica arrived to lend some support since I was having a panic attack about being in last place in this racing competition. As soon as they arrived, I looked out the window and the waters were calm. Placid, even. We made it across the river on the log ferry and I kept asking questions. "Where's Sara? The other front-runner? She's held-up somewhere, too, right? Is she sleeping, or just driving? When can I start again?" Turned out I had to wait until the next day to start the final leg of the race. By then I figured it was a lost cause, so I talked with Mom and Thomas, played a game with Catherine, and waited and waited for Jessica to be ready. Obviously I didn't start on time. I contented myself with finishing in fourth place. I figured I couldn't win, and if this were to be made into a movie, that's how it should end: Not first place, but glory and honor in finishing — in being the hero of the people.

P.S. The other front-runner, "Sara," had dark brown hair that was long and straight. Her nose was very thing and long and she wore a blue coat.

#1 - I arrived at night to what seemed like a mild-version of Woodstock, version 2012. There was one huge stage with lots of colored lights and black curtains. I looked up and saw an old friend announcing his engagement. He was no longer to be known by his birth name, but by Niall. I laughed. He didn't look like a Niall. He must of heard me, because he then started talking in a British accent and I thought, "Ah, yes, now he looks more like a Niall."

The main event was a Rock Band competition. Like the Wii game. I was immediately called up by Niall to participate. I was hesitant, but because I'm pretty decent at Guitar Hero, I figured this wouldn't be too hard. I was partially hidden by one of the black curtains, but I could see the screen with the notes and I could see the crowd. I began to play, but no matter how hard I tried, none of my strumming and button pushing matched. The guitar was out of sync and I couldn't fix it. I was so frustrated that I looked like a fool, and that I didn't have to — I really was good at this game, but no one knew it! I finally threw off the guitar and left. No one noticed.

#1 - I'm at a tattoo parlor that resembles a wood shop. I'm sitting at a large wooden table, scanning the possible designs and colors I can have put on my body. I decide on a cartoon-like face of a boy. It's no one I recognize, but it's the best design I can find. I tell the tattoo artist, who is a slight man of 50 with a weather-worn face and gray beard, that I want it to be temporary, I want it in white ink, and it's going on the back of my left arm. He begins to explain how temporary tattoos work by pulling out a partially rusted Exacto knife and pricking the skin on his own arm. "That doesn't look very temporary," I tell him. He then pulls out a design of a Polaroid camera to distract me — it works. "Ooooh, I want that instead." He then gets very serious, turns to face me straight on and says, "Now, I'm not active in the LDS religion, but I need you to know this is against the Word of Wisdom." Without saying a word, I get up and leave. To get a cup of coffee.

#1 - The concert is about to begin and I'm one of a four-part music group that resembles the Dixie Chicks. I'm extremely excited as I go out on stage and see thousands of screaming fans. The noise is deafening, but I'm lip-syncing anyway, so all is well. After the very brief concert, I'm asked to sign autographs by people of all ages as I make my way back to the dressing rooms. Each time I sign, it's different. One time in all lower-case cursive. Another time in a very elementary school-style, perfectly crossed T's and dotted I's. And another in my quick, credit-card-receipt-needs-signing-and-the-clerk-is-impatient signature. I'm satisfied with each, just by the mere fact that someone wants my autograph. That has been a secret wish of mine since I was 12 years old, watching the US Softball team compete in the Olympics and deciding I'd be doing that someday.

Devon was back near the dressing rooms waiting for me. "Hey, can I get a couple — like 12 — of those signatures along with your bandmates' autographs? I want to sell them on eBay." I didn't have a problem with that, so I started leading him further backstage. I passed one girl and thought it might be one of the group members, but I wasn't quite sure, so I decided to come back later. By the time that happened, she'd been murdered. "Crap. Now what are we gonna do?" But before the police could even clean up the body, we'd recruited a very awkward girl I know, who suddenly wasn't awkward, to be the fourth member. It seemed to work out just fine.

#2 - Stevie and me are at a Justin Bieber concert, in section A13. It's pretty empty, but she insists this is the best spot to be, way up in the bleachers, away from most of the crazies. I'm filming the concert and the fans with a mid-sized camcorder, when suddenly Justin appears in the tunnel leading to section A13 (picture the Marriott Center, or any basketball arena, for that matter.) Surprisingly, there's little screaming, and I'm able to follow him up the nearly empty benches to where a 15-year-old girl is dressed up like Cinderella — dressed up like she sewed the dress herself. There's also a little girl, about 5 years old, who's found a blue plastic bag on her seat. Justin picks it up and the girl dressed like Cinderella puts out her arms to receive it. "NO!" Justin yells, yanking it out of her reach. He then hands it to the 5-year-old who opens it to reveal a huge strand of Christmas lights, each bulb covered with a plastic mold of Justin Bieber. The dress turns into a gaudy blue, plastic dress, which I take and put on Stevie. Then the little girl reads the note. "To Elizabeth. From Deon and Kelsey. Don't forget to take a picture of Justin wearing these." I nonchalantly take the bag from the girl and simply say, "Oh, hey, that's mine." Justin gets really upset and stomps away, apparently thinking the bag HAD to be for him. I mean, it was HIS concert. As he walks away I pull one of the plastic molds off the bulb and hold it out in front of me. "Well, you can have this!" He didn't hear me.

I'm scared that Deon and Kelsey are going to be mad I didn't get a picture of JB wearing the lights, but I have to meet them next to the souvenirs eventually, so I head down with Stevie. There are two lines. "Unique Fans," which is understood to be "Psychotic Fans," and "Normal Fans." I find Kelsey, Deon, Mom and Susan Lee, from Washington, standing around talking about Deon's name. "No, really, it's my real name. And my grandma's too," I hear Deon say to Sue. She doesn't seem convinced, but it's time to leave for the Mary Kay party I'm hosting, so she drops it. We arrive at my apartment and everyone awkwardly takes a seat in my kitchen. I enlist the help of Gayleen, now blond, to tell a story about how she got stung by a hornet. She's telling it from a TV monitor in the corner of the kitchen, and a robotic hornet is flying around her. I sneak away during her story to find some Mary Kay makeup to sell, since I don't own any. I never did find any.

Instead, I'm transported to what seems like a combination of a South American ghetto and Tokyo. Jessica and I are walking down the streets, and she talks and acts a lot like Krystin Anderson. We're talking about moving, since we live in a really sketchy part of the ghetto. She's complaining about how her parents burned their vinyl collection and she didn't get to keep any of the albums. I come to the conclusion we shouldn't move away. (Obviously I really cared about her lost records.) This is after we take a turn on a spiral escalator where I get sick and throw up, watching my lunch seep through the grated escalator stairs. I can't get off, even to spare the other people riding with me — once you get on, you're stuck there until it reaches the bottom. We get home and my decision to not move seems very, very wrong. I seem to have forgotten about my two Japanese roommates, who have not only borrowed my jeans and ripped them in impossible ways, but they've also killed my cat. "I didn't even know I HAD a CAT!"

Then I woke up.


  1. "I didn't even know I HAD a CAT!" That was my favorite part. You crack me up. Even your dreams are more interesting that anything I can make up...but I guess that's normal for most people. Anyway, you are creative. I'm just sayin.

  2. Hey, that really happened to me yesterday! I mean, what are the odds?

  3. So, still waiting on those autographs. I can make a mint on Electronic-Bay.com.