I just got done working four, 15-hour days straight. I'm pretty haggard. But tomorrow I fly to New Mexico! So it was all worth it. (And the fatty paycheck will make it worth it, too.)

There are lots of things I could say about my new job (about how awesome it is and how blessed I am to have landed it) but here's what'll interest you the most: Giveaways!

So, here's the links to the three giveaways my new company (as in, the new company I work for) is sponsoring. All you have to do is comment and you're entered. The stuff they're giving away is pretty shweet, believe me, so I think it's worth the 3 seconds to comment. And if you win and don't want it, I'll take it! :o)

Way cute, right? This is some of the Chap paper.
p.s. The corners of each page show what the back looks like, and that little strip is on the back as well, on the edge.
(Image via AmericanCrafts.typepad.com)


New job? Don't mind if I do.

Last week, it was Tuesday, I was searching on the BYU alumni career placement website, more out of curiosity than anything, and found a posting for a Marketing Assistant at American Crafts. I figured I was pretty much exactly what they were looking for, so I applied. The next day I got a phone call, then an interview, and after a week of waiting (after the thank-you-email and follow-up-phone-call were done) and finally resigning myself to the fact that I didn't get the job, I got a call yesterday morning.

Yes, that's right, I got a new job.

(If you didn't gather as much from my opening sentence, then, well, you have other problems that we can talk about later.)

I started today, actually. Which means I'll be working two jobs for the next two weeks. 15+ hour days. I think I might die, but if I don't, it'll be worth it.

Here's the company's blog — they are a scrapbooking supply company. http://americancrafts.typepad.com/

Don't get your hopes up on getting free paper, pens and ribbons (Kelsey) but you never know. Ha ha.

Oh, by the way, I'm SUPER-DUPER excited. Super-duper. :o)


She wasn't used to flirting. It was a foreign language that she could not grasp. Yet all around her they spoke it, fluently, using any and every part of their body to convey the message, while she sat dumbly on the side, watching in awe and disgust their ability to ensnare.

He didn't know the language either, that man amidst the boys. He spoke little, but when he did it was something from a story book: neither mundane, nor profound. Familiar, and magical in a sense. It was comfortable, too. And laced with a mysteriousness and a childlike innocence.

He exuded relaxation in everything he did, just as the flirters exuded a putrid shallowness in all they did. His mere presence calmed her raw nerves, allowed her to focus in a room full of fool's gold and parlor tricks.

From her station at the side of the group, she searched his face — how he smiled often, with all his teeth, but laughed only when something truly merited it. How he craned his neck forward as something of use was said, and how his eyes wandered as the conversation dipped into worthlessness.

He was intriguing to her; a quiet, almost invisible gem amidst a sea of volcanic pumice. He was odd, she thought, but oddity was a welcome change. A wanted change. For she, too, was odd.

Once or twice his eyes locked to hers. Embarrassed to be caught in her silent study and ignorant of how to act, her eyes flicked down to her feet, her head turning to the side. It was a defense, that head turn, as if by baring the right side of her face she hid the true emotion spread across the left.

She hoped he'd realize she was different like him, that she was channeling all her thoughts toward penetrating the fog of insincerity that choked their surroundings. If only he'd look around and see her realism that contrasted all the impressionists.

Time will tell, she thought. And he, well, he seemed worth some time.

© e.gosney 2011

9.15.11 #2

These lyrics aren't very happy, yet they make me smile. Probably because they're true. And probably because I know they won't always be.

"But now I look at love
Like being stabbed in the heart 
You torture each other from day to day 
And then one day you part 
Most of the time it's misery 
But there's some joy at the start 
And for that, I'd say it's worth it 
Just as you play the shortest sharp on me 

And if love is just a game 
Then how come it's no fun?
If love is just a game 
How come I've never won? 
I guess maybe it's possible I might be playing it wrong
And that's why every time I roll the dice I always come undone"

—Noah and the Whale, "2 Atoms in a Molecule"


I had a dream that my friend's boyfriend left her for me. I should've been stricken with remorse, set on denying the scum my love. But no, in my dream I just went with it, enjoying the attention, the conquest, of sorts. It was only AFTER I realized he couldn't marry me in the temple that I went to my friend, apologizing for any hurt feelings, swearing I never meant to betray her trust. I still woke up feeling both confident in my allure, and guilty for being such a crappy friend.

It's funny how dreams reveal truths about yourself. Not that I've ever stolen anyone's boyfriend, but I have done things I'm not proud of purely out of self-interest. Selfishness. Machiavelli was right in many ways: We are selfish beings bent on getting ahead by stepping on those around us. Sad but true. (The truth often is sad, isn't it?)

 Man is that way. The "natural man" anyway. A survivalist. A capitalist? But the natural man is not the ultimate. Not hardly. Oh if only Mr. Machiavelli had the gospel.

But then again, he might not be famous then, and his name is so fun to say. Eh, we win some, we lose some.


Don't ask to be taught patience. It doesn't end well.

Well, not for me anyway.

At least three times in the last three days I've be encountered with a trying situation and in response, reacted poorly. But it's only after the fact, after I've shot my mouth off or been rude or something, that I realize, "Oooooh, that was a test of my patience, wasn't it?"

Heavenly Father is a tricky one, he is.

And currently my grade is an F.


More photographs in good ol' black and white at ahjunkphotography.blogspot.com. Lucky you, right? Right.

They say that when one door closes another opens. But I've found that's often not the case at all. Sometimes all the doors are closed and you are left staring at walls. Panic arises as the claustrophobia sets in. 
Then there are the times when several doors open at the same time and it's up to you to choose which one to go through. 
And then it seems, there's those times when we are asked to close a door, and we are asked to open another, because life is tired of doing all the work for us and we are capable of making opportunities for ourselves, of venturing forth without seeking permission or waiting for anyone to do any opening or closing. 
Those times are scary, maybe the scariest I've encountered, but they are also the most rewarding. The most liberating. They force me to grow up, branch out, dig deep and reflect long on this thing we have all been given. 

This life.  



You know those people who eat what's in front of them just because it's there? If you know me, then your answer would be yes. Like today, there was a box of Junior Mints on my desk, left over from a movie I went to (with Kathy and Anna — "The Help," which was very good, by the way). I didn't particularly want them, but I ate a couple because they were there. They were convenient. And it was a subconscious action, really. "What's this? Another is going in my mouth? Well, OK, why not." Twenty Junior Mints later — or maybe 30, who knows — I sit, sick and regretful.

So can this be applied to people and relationships? I submit that it can. I have seen people date another just because they are there. It's convenient. It's not really thought out, it's just a subconscious action of beginning a relationship out of, well, ease. Not that relationships are easy, but the act of getting into one can be. If one isn't careful. If one is not paying attention. And then, twenty or thirty Junior Mints later, you realize what you've got yourself into and there is regret. A little bit of panic. A lot of wishing you could rewind.

Me, well, I may eat Junior Mints like they're going out of style (in the literal sense), but I'm not one to get into convenient relationships. (Or any, for that matter, but let's not talk about that.) I'd rather not have the regret. I like to think things out. Think things to death, really. Think about things so much that I'm not sure what to do with all the thoughts.

Not this time, though. I know what to do with the thoughts. And I'm stopping the Junior Mint eating now, before it has even begun, come to think of it. The thing is, though, thoughts are easy to come by. It's the actions that follow that can be so excruciatingly hard. (Is that a word, excruciatingly?)

So there you have it. I don't want to just go for it, because I know better. I know the Junior Mints won't be worth it in the end. I know I can't act out of convenience or ease. I'm not going to eat the Junior Mints just because they're there. You know why? Because I know what I want. And it's not the Junior Mints. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

So now the question is, how do I tell the Junior Mints I don't see a future with them?