I've heard the saying before. That age-old quotation that the grass is always greener on the other side. It flashes across my mind in Helvetica type every time I decide to make a life-altering decision. A decision that lets me escape the life I'm in by hoping to obtain a life I wish I had. I pretend it all will change. That I will change. And often I sincerely believe it. Often it's not pretend that when I move apartments, move cities, cut my hair, get a new job, quit an old job, that the grass really will be a deeper shade of emerald. I say to the future, "From now on, I will be different. I will be the girl I've always wanted to be. I will have the life I've always wanted. This time, it will be different."
I talk to the future as if it's a person. I argue with it, I plead with it. I beg the future to follow my plan. Instead, I follow it, always looking to the future for change, for difference, for the green I can never seem to grasp.
One day, it really will be different.
©2010 E. Gosney