11.16.08

i had a dream last night that has pushed me into being for out going. i already know i need to correct some of my social habits--like, only really becoming friends with guys i would like to date. it even goes so far as to not even introduce myself or carry on a 2 minute conversation with a guy if i have no intentions of ever being interested in dating them. yes, i know this is a problem.
anyway, my dream last night. it was pretty muddled, but the gist of it was me coming really late to a ward activity where we were all sitting around in a big square (not circle, which is worth mentioning, because who sits around in a square without a table in between to shape them?) i was asked why i was late, and it was because "i was at my sisters" which, aside from saying, "hello" and "for the love!" i say more than anything. i'm not ashamed of this, of course not, it's just a fact of life--or rather, my life. my friend carly was there, who actually lives in Indiana, so that was strange. when i started getting annoyed looks from people because i was at my sister's instead of with single people who i could possibly marry, i got defensive. "jeez! i was helping her out! and eating dinner. and besides, it's not like carly is really social or anything." this was said in jest because carly is incredibly outgoing, friendly and social, but the crowd took it in all seriousness. suddenly i was being attacked by wads of paper, flying pencils and projectile paper clips. they went from a somewhat normal singles' ward to an angry mob. apparently carly was very popular in my dreamland ward, so any attack on her was a threat to them all. i ran away, looking for someone to be my friend. i was crossing a street when carly and some random guy started walking toward me. i tried to explain to them i had been joking, but carly didn't respond and the guy goes, "i'm sorry, you're just so anti-social. i don't think you really belong. maybe you should try harder." you'd think i'd be mad, but instead i was struck by the truth of his wards. i really don't belong in my ward, but it's mostly my own fault.
so, this morning i was happy to get up, even after only 6 1/2 hours of sleep. i got dressed, curled my hair and made sure to brush my teeth really well because i was determined to talk to a lot of people at church. we were late to church, but we sat next to a kid i've met several times before--blaire...i think that's how you spell it. after the meeting he asked what my name was. ouch. but at least he didn't throw a roll of tape at me.
i talked to tyler, he actually came up to me, so that was nice. i said hi to alex and i signed a little bit with samantha and, well, you get the idea. i think it was a success. oh! and i even went to choir. yeah. i know. that might be pushing it, seeing as i have a vocal range of 6 notes, but i didn't go to sing. i went to socialize. i said the opening prayer and shared my music with lexie. man, i was a total socialite today.

and now, to counteract the effects, i am sitting alone in my room. moderation in all things, right?

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