here are some upcoming movies i'm looking forward to. not the most exceptional trailers ever (uh, where's Harry? and what's with Bella's acting skills? or rather, lack of.) nonetheless, i'm quite excited. oh, and the 4th book in the Twilight series comes out on Saturday. pretty awesome, i know.


[about the following i can only say one thing: yes.]

"I Will Posses Your Heart" by Death Cab for Cutie

How I wish you could see the potential,
the potential of you and me
It's like a book elegantly bound,
but in a language that you can't read just yet
You gotta spend some time love, you gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find love, I will possess your heart...

There are days when outside your window,
I see my reflection as I slowly pass
And I long for this mirrored perspective,
when we'll be lovers, lovers at last
You gotta spend some time love, you gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find love, I will possess your heart...

You reject my advances and desperate pleas
I won't let you, let me down so easily, so easily

You gotta spend some time love, you gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find love, I will possess your heart


today was a good day. let's go through a quick run-down, shall we?

10:30 a.m. -- arose from my slumber.
12:00 p.m. -- journeyed to the Harmon Building to take my English 230 final
1:50 p.m. -- completed my test and bought a healthy lunch at the Twilight in the Wilk.
3:00 p.m. -- ASL 201; took a test and did quite well. Suzy loves me.
5:00 p.m. -- discussed life with Judy.
6:30 p.m. -- ventured out on my scooter to the Museum of Art. flirted with the security guard (Kevin) and found out that a series of four, 5x5' boxes painted blue and gray with only 4 sides are worth $11 million.
8:30 p.m. -- watched Disney Channel and ate dinner.
9:30 p.m. -- retreated to my room to watch more YouTube videos and talk to friends online. (no home work = waste time)
12:00 a.m. -- retire to my bed after calling my guy friend a whore (long story) and telling him to get over a girl who he now Facebook stalks. he might not stop that, but he has stopped analyzing every person's mind he comes in contact with. finally.

ok, so, i lied. it's 1 a.m. on the 23rd of July and i'm still not in bed. but you get the idea.

this post is really quite pointless, but i just wanted to list what i did and say that even though i didn't do anything out of the ordinary, it was a really good day. also, last night, i started writing down my thoughts without really thinking (i know, that's a paradox...or something) and after writing it all out i discovered things that i've been searching for for quite some time. i don't think it's appropriate to share them here, but i found the answer. i figured out what i've been fearing, what i've been so anxious about and now i can find a solution. it's sure hard to find a cure to a disease without a diagnosis. so, if you ever feel so muddled and trapped by your own mind that you can't think straight, than stop trying to think straight and just write down those thoughts. don't worry about grammar, spelling, political correctness or proving yourself to anyone else. write it out and i'm sure by the end of it your mind with start to untie the knot it's in. if not everything is resolved, i assure you at least one thing will be, maybe just a small thing. maybe just the satisfaction of letting everything out. like having a good cry to let all the little stresses that have built up be released. that's a wonderful feeling. kinda like vomitting...well, ok, we'll stick with the crying one, less graphic.
i think i might have done it just now, writing with no apparent forethought. sorry. but you get the idea.

p.s. Catherine, Will doesn't die at the end of season 2 of Robin Hood.


I tried to give blood today. I drank water, ate iron-rich foods and even arranged to have a friend be there in case I passed out after wards like I did last time. But when I got there, they said they ran out of bags -- my buddy Nathan said, "Yeah, I guess they busted one too many." Uh, gross. After seeing the look on my face he corrected himself and said, "Oh, I mean they broke a bunch of bags before they could use them." Yeah, I'm pretty sure blood-filled bags don't bust too often ... or at least I hope not. Anyway, I didn't end up giving blood. Instead, I came home and tried to study for my English 230 final I'm taking tomorrow but resorted to watching YouTube videos of Jonas Armstrong -- the actor who plays Robin Hood in the BBC series. Oh man, he's right up there with James McAvoy. No joke. Oh, and p.s., Catherine--don't go onto YouTube looking for videos because the Brits decided to spoil the ending of season 2 for all the Yankee viewers with their videos. Adding *spoiler!* after the title of the video doesn't help when the title gives away who DIES!!
My little sister is beautiful, among other things:

<-- Antique Lighting -- Sepia -->

Catherine is nearly graduated from high school, then we're going to Disney Land! Sweet justice.


This weekend I took a short trip to the mother-land. Or rather, my mother's house. I went along with Kelsey, Ben, Kathy, Charlie, Rora, Jemma and Lilly. We had some mad fun, including going down to the Colorado River, finding the wildlife flattened to two-dimensions on the road, and just enjoying the splendor that is Western Colorado. Here is a photo diary of our adventures:

Mom down at the Colorado River on our Friday afternoon walk:

Ben taught Catherine how to make mini-cakes in the Snackster and they were so good. Catherine was naturally, quite excited.

Our wildlife sightings. The snake and the frog. We didn't care to name them seeing as they were already dead and their deaths would've been harder to handle if we knew their names.

Food at my mom's house is so much sweeter than in Provo. Probably because i actually eat while in Fruita--in Provo? I eat fudge pops and peanut butter.

Lilly and me and below that is Jemma. Smiling and eating and pooping, sometimes sleeping and then they repeat the cycle.

Me being a geek, like usual with the help of my Dad's old glasses. Rora, being beautiful.

Rora and Charlie had their own pool party Saturday afternoon.

Mom and Dad at the river -- or rather, the Colorado River dammed off to make a lake ... and Charlie wearing Dad's old glasses.

Near Death.

A few nights ago i was just five minutes from death ... or else a very awkward situation and maybe some soiled pants. See, my sister moved to the rough part of Provo. Along with the bigger yard and 25 registered sex-offenders in the surrounding area, she and her family and friends are provided with some Law and Order crime discoveries of West Side Story type fights--except Law and Order doesn't do shows about fist fights that end in small pools of blood probably from a busted nose, nor were the men involved part of rivalry race-gangs (they were drunk.) But for the sake of the story, let's pretend it really was that thrilling.

We came out of the house and saw the blood on the drive way. The sheriff was just coming up to ask us for a garden hose to wash the blood away. Here are the stains left behind.

My bike was in the front yard, just a few feet from the brawl. I said to Kelsey, "Oh man, they could've stolen my bike!" The sheriff, very sullenly, said to me, "No, they were too drunk to ride anything." Way to ruin the joke, dude.

Kelsey was disgusted with the drunkards' behavior, the blood, and the idea that it was 20 feet from her front door and we didn't hear anything. We were five minutes from death (or something) because if we had come out of the house to go to the store just five minutes earlier, it could've been one of us bleeding on the concrete. Yeah, seriously.

After taking the pictures of what was left of the fight, we took pictures on my scooter because, well, it's a very nice scooter.


i love my little niece and nephew, Aurora and Charlie. and these are two reasons why...


dancing during "Enchanted"


Kelsey taught Charlie the line from a Dr. Pepper commercial -- "Yeah boy!"



Our South Provo fight. Don't miss it. It was truly West Side Story material. We were five minutes from DEATH!


I'm a sucker for love songs. These ones make me smile and laugh out loud because they're so sweet ... or just silly. Either way, I love 'em and one day will make a compilation for the one I love. Or, rather, have him sing them to me. ;o)

"Safety pins holding up the things that make you mine.
About your hair, you needn't care, you look beautiful all of the time."
--The Kooks

"She even cooks me pancakes and alkaseltzer when my tummy aches. If that ain't love then I don't know what love is..." --Gym Class Heroes

"When you smile at me you know exactly what you do ... In this crazy life and though these crazy times, it's you it's you. You make me sing, 'You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.' ... And I can't believe that I'm your man. and I get to kiss you baby just because I can." --Michael Buble

"I needed the shelter of someone's arms and there you were. I needed someone to understand my ups and downs, and there you were ... I just wanna stop and thank you baby. How sweet it is to be loved by you. ... I close my eyes at night, wondering where would I be without you in my life? ... You brighten up for me all of my days with a love so sweet in so many ways. ... How sweet it is to be loved by you." --James Taylor

"Please tell me I'm your man and you're my girl. That I'm the sea and you're the pearl. It takes two baby, it takes two. ... A prince is a popper babe without a chick to call his own. So please darling choose me, i don't want to rule alone." --Link Larkin (Hairspray)

"Good mornin' life, good mornin' sun, how are you? skies above, gee it's great to be alive and in love. Last night she said she loved me, what a pity to part. I slept with both eyes open waiting for today to start." --Dean Martin

"It's you and me, and all other people, nothing to do, nothing to lose. And it's you and me, and all other people, and I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you. ... There's something about you know that I can't quite figure out. Everything she does is beautiful, everything she does is right." --Lifehouse

"Love of mine, someday you will die, but I'll be close behind, I'll follow you into the dark. No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white, just our hands clasped so tight, waiting for the hint of a spark. If Heaven and Hell decide they're both satisfied, illuminate the 'no's' on their vacancy signs, if there's noone beside you when your soul embarks, I'll follow you into the dark." --Death Cab for Cutie



i am:

a girl impersonating a woman.
superficially deep.
a tone-deaf musician.
artistically structured.
cleanly flustered.
a city-loving country girl living in the suburbs.
colorfully dull.
wishing for the future while clinging to the past.
confidently insecure.
a tomboy in pink.
athletically content to sit and watch.
an oxymoron.


i trust too quickly those who will listen.
i love too deeply those who show me attention.
i despise too sharply those who wrong me.

someday i will trust completely,
love purely -- a certain one,
and despise no one.

someday will come after many todays,
in which i will practice and get rid of good habits turned bad by exaggeration.
and those things which are too much for my own good will be just enough to make me good.

and maybe the world will be good then too.
or at least,


My hair has been dark brown for nearly a year now (ok, so, i'm talking loosely because for a few months is was more red than brown...) I tried to get my hair back to its natural color a couple days ago and it came out like this...

yeah, gross. i know. what the heck? so i went back in and had them fix it today. and they did. i'm quite pleased.

it looks kinda green here, but it's not. it's ash-dirty blond, pretty close to my natural color. it's really coarse today, and probably will be for a while because they used bleach, toner, color and who knows what else to get my hair back to a more natural color. i'm ok with that. no one ever touches my hair anyway, if you know what i mean. maybe i can change that in the next few months though... ;o)


Charlie and me at the Freedom Festival, July 5, 2008

i was going to write about my weekend, but because it has ended and more developments have made the prior ones null and void and completely ridiculous and frustrating, i will just talk about things that actually matter.

my scooter died. i didn't name it, i don't even have a picture of it, so i'm not too torn up about the loss. not to mention, it's not technically dead. it just passed out--it's in a coma, if you will. it died at the intersection, right before i took it out of my parking lot and onto 9th East. shoot, i'm glad it died where it did, or else it would've been a long walk pushing that thing back up the hill to my ghetto apartment. luckily, my brother-in-law is a doctor of mechanical things-- well, more like a psychiatrist with doctor friends, or maybe a witch doctor? he can fix a lot of things, is what i'm getting at. so he's gonna get it running so i can get it up to the Scooter Lounge to get fixed up completely--new brakes, new spark plugs, oil change, the whole shabang. they say it will only cost $50-70, so let's hope they aren't lying, because i'm not exactly harvesting a lot from my money trees this year. which, by the way, don't exist. trees --> paper ≠ money. don't believe those conniving money tree salesmen or that stupid caterpillar on the commercials. all lies.

i went swimming today. i went to a water park (which included a wave pool) last week which created the perfect opportunity to break my three year fast from swimming. so i did. and i liked it! true, i'm not the most attractive being in a bathing suit, but the slides were fun, and today my roommate tried teaching me to dive. i felt like Siggy in "What About Bob" when he wants to dive but can't make his legs go. the difference was, he had Bob there to help him and he dove perfectly the first time. i, on the other hand, dove from my knees and still managed to slap my legs on the water and have chlorinated water shot up my nose, burning my esophagus and exposing to everyone that no, i indeed had no blown my nose prior to jumping in the pool. i did the same thing three times. finally i realized that learning to dive was probably one of the many reasons i had felt no loss from my three year absence from pools.