"if i were a boy, i'd wanna look just like him." --jo, "little women"i don't know if anyone else has given any thought to this, but i've often wondered what it'd be like to be a boy. not so much the psychology of it, please, i have my own problems, but the look of them. there are some styles that only guys are able to pull off and they make me jealous. then there's the fact that there are a lot of guys who are naturally beautiful, where as there are very few girls who are ridiculously good looking without the assistance of makeup. where's the justice in that? here are a few features of the other half of the human race that i'd choose to strut around if i had any choice in the matter.

hair and accent: James McAvoy

facial hair? & smile: Jake Gyllenhaal

vest, tie and overall coolness: Robert Redford

p.s. what i find funny is that i do indeed own a news boy hat, men's polo shirts (although they are solid colored and look unisex) and i used to own dr. martins similar to these. no wonder my mom was always telling me to dress more girly.


Firsts -- or, first time in a while:

#1 i went running today. then i jumped some rope. i forget that despite being out of breath and my muscles refusing to stretch, i like exercising. especially when i get to where spandex and short shorts. no joke. spandex is a wonderful thing. the last time i went running was probably about 2 months ago.

#2 i got a pair of plaid pajamas pants back in 10th grade. i managed to rip them on an open window a few weeks after buying them (it was a low window, it opened like an oven door, the corner was sticking up between the middle of a folding chair. i sat down...) that was four years ago. tonight i mended them. the rip was getting bigger and bigger and my pajama shirts no longer covered my exposed chonies. ;o)

#3 i realized that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are so incredibly powerful and have created worlds without number, yet they know me, they love me, and they know exactly how i am feeling-- no matter what the feeling. i felt incredibly small and insignificant, and at the same time so empowered, so capable, so excited to be alive because Heavenly Father is on my side and helping me constantly. this wasn't the first time i've realized this, but it was the first time i felt it so strongly and so purely in a long time.

it's funny that scientists are still unsure if there could be life somewhere else in this vast universe. of course there is. try religion -- nay, try Mormonism -- and you'll have no doubt that there is life out there and they're not green men with big eyes, elongated heads, or allergic to water.

6.24.08 #2

Two self-discoveries I made today:

#1: I am addicted to Sensuous Sandwich. I admit it. And although I might say I could quit any time, I know that's a lie and frankly, a ridiculous suggestion. Why quit something so amazing and not too bad for my health? Come on!
I go there a couple times a week and buy an 8 inch sandwich ($5.24 including tax) and eat it for two meals. Or, like today, eat half of it with the intention of saving the other half for later -- 5 hours later, not 20 minutes. If you live in Utah Valley, it is so worth the trip to Orem or Provo to get some of that goodness in you.

#2: I am more productive in my school work, organized in my free time, and over all content with my life when my bed is close to the ground. I kid you not, it is true. And I have not, as of yet, figured out why.
[A college kid is expected to utilize every space in their tiny, over-priced apartments, so they put their 30 year old metal bed frame up on cinder blocks, creating 24 square feet by four feet of extra space (can you tell i'm really good at math?). You take your life in your hands every time you want to sit on your bed, and heaven forbid you're a tosser and a turner when you sleep, because you may make one toss too many and never wake up from your fitful sleep.]
I respect the functionality of the cinder block bed arrangement, but if it were up to me (which, actually, it is) I'd have my bed just a foot off the ground, so it can double as a chair and instead of an ill-conceived ladder (which, ironically, you'd need a ladder to get up on.)
When I get married, I'm getting a bed from IKEA. They are cheap, modern, and excellent low-riders.


South Provo smells of corn; corn husks, corns silk, cooked corn, creamed corn, but not popcorn. It reeks. And I still haven't figured out where the heck it's coming from. There must be some sort of secret corn field behind all the ghetto neighborhoods. So they're stinkin' up Provo and creating a target and/or landing place for aliens. Great.


Update: The antique show in Wallsburg was really cool. To see more photos, including one of Steve McQueen's motorcycle, go to my photo blog (look to the right).

I didn't end up going to the Manti Pageant. I went mini-golfing and scooter shopping instead. Mini-golfing was a blast, I got two holes-in-one, 4th place out of 6, and was the only girl in the group. Throw in a very good hair day, and it was one of the best evenings I've had this month.
Scooter shopping was not to buy me a scooter, but Krystin. We looked at one scooter--on the side of the road, on the way to the scooter dealerships. We didn't make it there, we got lost and since Krystin's car doesn't have A/C we cut the trip short and made our way back to Provo for some popsicles.

self-discovery #1: i need to be more "mysterious." although no one has yet told me exactly what that means, i am planning on being less open with my ideas, opinions and feelings... at least with boys. apparently they like girls who are really fun but seemingly have no emotional hang ups. i guess you get them hooked to a facade, a mask hiding the real girl, and then you reveal more and more of yourself. line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little, there a little. as hard as it will be, i think it'll be a good thing to try. i'm too trusting, thus i get hurt easily. so if i hold back a little, then i might have guys be as comfortable around me as i am with them. equality. there ya go. either that, or i'll turn into a calloused old-maid who thinks the world is out to get me. it's worth the risk, i think.


"You bob for apples in the toilet, and you like it!"

This is a metaphor for my love life.

I bob for apples in the toilet--I go for guys who look good and seem fine, but I ignore the fact that they're covered in germs and really no good for me at all. And I like it. I enjoy the illness that ensues after wards. I don't know why. The challenge is enjoyable, I suppose. I also like how I am able to succeed on some level. They want me to go for them, although they know they will provide no nutrients, just a filler for my empty stomach. But the filler is nice too, after my head stops aching from the usual awkward explanation that they just want to be friends. One of these days I will realize that the empty calories are no longer fun because my body will break down from the lack of calcium, vitamin C and zinc. Although, I don't think you can get calcium from apples--or zinc for that matter. Dangit!
Really, it needs no more explanation. I bob for apples in the toilet, and for now I'm going to enjoy every nasty mouthful of water that comes along with the typical germ covered apples.
Maybe I should start bobbing for oranges. Or rather, get out of the toilet. (Thanks Kelsey).

i found this video while searching for the first one. i think the little three-year-old is hilarious!



i love my little sister. 


[the weekend]
[preview for "twilight"] -- last night on the MTV Movie Awards they showed a clip from the upcoming "Twilight" movie. let me tell you, it was a severe disappointment. first of all, it was a fraction of an action scene. you can't cut apart an action scene! lame! secondly, the whole thing looked like it wasn't polished or completely edited -- or at least not edited correctly. i swear i saw pieces of the lighting fixtures while the guys were flying through the air. Which, p.s., was resembling a martial arts movie. i think they may have cut out something from the middle of the clips they showed, that, or they accidently added a scene-change graphic that interrupted the sound and image for a split-second. 
i know it may have been challenging to create the scene from scratch because a lot of it wasn't in the book -- the narrator, Bella, was unconscious during most of it. but, come on now, at least get the reactions of the people right. what was with the glare Edward gave Bella and her defensive cowering in the corner?

[baptism and babies' blessings] -- Brianna Deon was baptized on Saturday. she was the first grandchild in our family to be baptized, so it was pretty cool. then, on Sunday, Lillyanna and Jemma were blessed by their papa, Ben. both events were short and sweet and followed by food. that's the best way to do things. 

[pictures to come soon]

[international communications assignment] -- i love spring term. this is the first time i've taken classes during the summer months and, MAN! i should've done it earlier! everything is more chill, including the homework load. for comms 382, we have to write two "thought papers" that are worth the same as our mid-term. the title alone -- "thought paper" -- connotes the low expectations of my professor. and since he doesn't expect a lot, i don't give a lot. my first paper i started and finished the day it was due. i got a 84%, not bad. plus there's a curve. pretty much i got an A-. 

[music] i found a new band. the kooks. they're british, therefore i love them. 

music exaggerates emotions. sadness is more miserable and happiness is pure ecstasy. listening to the radio today i heard Ace of Base and immediately thought of my sisters and the fun memories we have. then i heard a song by Lifehouse and was suddenly hollow. music brings emotions out of me about situations and experiences that i didn't know were in me. it's strange and fascinating and at times scary. am i in control of my own feelings or does music, something i can't live without, have a greater hold on me than i thought?